So you read Apple's press release, and you're confused. Don't worry kids, Rusty used to work in enterprise, allow him to translate it for you.

CUPERTINO, California and ARMONK, New York—July 15, 2014—Apple® and IBM (NYSE: IBM) today announced an exclusive partnership that teams the market-leading strengths of each company to transform enterprise mobility through a new class of business apps—bringing IBM’s big data and analytics capabilities to iPhone® and iPad®.

We're working with IBM on business stuff.

The landmark partnership aims to redefine the way work will get done, address key industry mobility challenges and spark true mobile-led business change—grounded in four core capabilities:

• a new class of more than 100 industry-specific enterprise solutions including native apps, developed exclusively from the ground up, for iPhone and iPad;

• unique IBM cloud services optimized for iOS, including device management, security, analytics and mobile integration;

• new AppleCare® service and support offering tailored to the needs of the enterprise;  and

• new packaged offerings from IBM for device activation, supply and management.

For some reason we've written a detailed summary of something we're about to go over below. We hear that's how it's done in 'Enterprise'. In other news IBM makes some terrible apps, but enterprises love hand holding more than fat kids love candy. We're going to offer them hand holding through IBM.

The new IBM MobileFirst for iOS solutions will be built in an exclusive collaboration that draws on the distinct strengths of each company: IBM’s big data and analytics capabilities, with the power of more than 100,000 IBM industry and domain consultants and software developers behind it, fused with Apple’s legendary consumer experience, hardware and software integration and developer platform. The combination will create apps that can transform specific aspects of how businesses and employees work using iPhone and iPad, allowing companies to achieve new levels of efficiency, effectiveness and customer satisfaction—faster and easier than ever before.

Yeah we don't know what this means either, but it sounds pretty sweet right? I mean 'fused', 'big data', 'consultants' and 'analytics' all in one paragraph. If you don't need to take a cold shower after reading that, you're just not hooked up right. Enterprise Speak is so turn-key that we just can't stop leveraging the synergy. Dre wanted to turn that into a rap, but we told him to stay the hell away from our transformative enterprise solutions.

As part of the exclusive IBM MobileFirst for iOS agreement, IBM will also sell iPhones and iPads with the industry-specific solutions to business clients worldwide.

IBM gets to sell our hardware to enterprise and we'll even let them install their bloatware on it.

“iPhone and iPad are the best mobile devices in the world and have transformed the way people work with over 98 percent of the Fortune 500 and over 92 percent of the Global 500 using iOS devices in their business today,” said Tim Cook, Apple’s CEO. “For the first time ever we’re putting IBM’s renowned big data analytics at iOS users’ fingertips, which opens up a large market opportunity for Apple. This is a radical step for enterprise and something that only Apple and IBM can deliver.”

These look like impressive numbers, but really very few enterprises take mobile seriously yet. We're hoping IBM can use their one and only expertise, sales, to convince them otherwise. After all they make some of the worst software in the world and businesses pay them BILLIONS! We need more BILLIONS!

“Mobility—combined with the phenomena of data and cloud—is transforming business and our industry in historic ways, allowing people to re-imagine work, industries and professions,” said Ginni Rometty, IBM Chairman, President and CEO. “This alliance with Apple will build on our momentum in bringing these innovations to our clients globally, and leverages IBM’s leadership in analytics, cloud, software and services. We are delighted to be teaming with Apple, whose innovations have transformed our lives in ways we take for granted, but can’t imagine living without. Our alliance will bring the same kind of transformation to the way people work, industries operate and companies perform.”

Give us a break, we had to let someone from IBM have their say too. We have no idea what this means either. It has 'leverage' in it though, which is enterprise for 'awesome'.

Apple and IBM’s shared vision for this partnership is to put in the hands of business professionals everywhere the unique capabilities of iPads and iPhones with a company’s knowledge, data, analytics and workflows. Specifically, the two companies are working together to deliver the essential elements of enterprise mobile solutions:

How good is enterprise speak? Am I right guys?

- Mobile solutions that transform business: The companies will collaborate to build IBM MobileFirst for iOS Solutions—a new class of “made-for-business apps” targeting specific industry issues or opportunities in retail, healthcare, banking, travel and transportation, telecommunications and insurance, among others, that will become available starting this fall and into 2015.

We're making an app store for grown ups.

- Mobile platform: The IBM MobileFirst Platform for iOS will deliver the services required for an end-to-end enterprise capability, from analytics, workflow and cloud storage, to fleet-scale device management, security and integration. Enhanced mobile management includes a private app catalog, data and transaction security services, and productivity suite for all IBM MobileFirst for iOS solutions. In addition to on-premise software solutions, all these services will be available on Bluemix—IBM’s development platform on the IBM Cloud Marketplace.

Yeah we took this from an IBM email, again we have no idea what it actually means. We do know that 'fleet-scale' is also enterprise for 'awesome' though.

- Mobile service and support: AppleCare for Enterprise will provide IT departments and end users with 24/7 assistance from Apple’s award-winning customer support group, with on-site service delivered by IBM.

Enterprises have huge cash piles that they want to spend, so we're going to give them fancy AppleCare that we charge 100x more for. Even better we're handing this off to IBM so we don't even have to do it. That's synergy kids.

- Packaged service offerings: IBM is introducing IBM MobileFirst Supply and Management for device supply, activation and management services for iPhone and iPad, with leasing options.

Businesses love to lease stuff, again, synergy = money. Also how many times have we said MobileFirst? We believe the enterprise requirement is 10.

Announced at Apple’s Worldwide Developer Conference in June and available later this year, Apple’s iOS 8 is the biggest release since the launch of the App Store℠, giving users incredible new features and developers the tools to create amazing new apps. For enterprise, iOS 8 builds on the new IT model for a mobilized workforce by improving the way users are informed of how their devices are configured, managed or restricted, with expanded security, management and productivity features.

Wait I think we forgot the enterprise speak in this paragraph, it almost makes sense. We're relying on most businesses not to make it this far in the press release.

Apple designs Macs, along with OS X, iLife, iWork and professional software. Apple leads the digital music revolution with its iPods and iTunes online store. Apple has reinvented the mobile phone with its revolutionary iPhone and App Store, and is defining the future of mobile media and computing devices with iPad.

IBM’s 5,000 mobile experts have been at the forefront of mobile enterprise innovation. IBM has secured more than 4,300 patents in mobile, social and security, that have been incorporated into IBM MobileFirst solutions that enable enterprise clients to radically streamline and accelerate mobile adoption, help organizations engage more people and capture new markets.

IBM has made a dozen acquisitions in security in the past decade, has more than 6,000 security researchers and developers in its 25 security labs worldwide that work on developing enterprise-class solutions.

IBM has also established the world’s deepest portfolio in Big Data and Analytics consulting and technology expertise based on experiences drawn from more than 40,000 data and analytics client engagements. This analytics portfolio spans research and development, solutions, software and hardware, and includes more than 15,000 analytics consultants, 4,000 analytics patents, 6,000 industry solution business partners, and 400 IBM mathematicians who are helping clients use big data to transform their organizations.

IBM! BIG DATA! SECURITY! ANALYTICS! ENTERPRISE-CLASS! CONSULTING! BUSINESS PARTNERS! INDUSTRY SOLUTIONS! MARKETS! Eddy bet me that we couldn't win at enterprise word bingo. Boy does he have egg on his face now. Also you can't take a press release seriously that doesn't tell you fancy numbers about companies. It would be like introducing The King as 'hey, here comes your leader dude, pay attention'.

As someone who develops for Android and iOS I get asked the same question over and over again by people: "Is developing for Android screens a huge pain? How on earth do you cope with the thousands of screen sizes available?". Occasionally, they point me to infographics like this one courtesy of OpenSignal showing screen size fragmentation on Android in 2013:

The answer tends to surprise pretty much everyone: It's not that hard, and honestly causes us less headaches than most people imagine. Firstly, the tools Google give us to lay out interfaces have supported this from day one. You've been able to define one or more layouts that scale to various sizes, and if you want to get everything perfect, you can have as many of these layouts as you like, while still keeping the one codebase. The layouts are XML, and don't live in your code. If you're an iOS developer they are pretty much the equivalent of XIB files with size classes like iOS 8. The other part people don't realise is that Android has standardised on screen resolutions for a long time now. To give you a sample, I chose the top 10 most popular phones from our Pocket Casts stats, and added the LG G3 with its crazy new resolution:

LG G3: 1440x2560
Nexus 5: 1080x1920
Galaxy S5: 1080x1920
Galaxy S4: 1080x1920
Galaxy S3: 720x1280
Galaxy Note 3: 1080x1920
Galaxy Note: 800x1280
HTC One M8: 1080x1920
HTC One M7: 1080x1920
Nexus 4: 768x1280
Moto X: 720x1280

Seems like a lot of variation, right? The part that might confuse most non-developers, is we lay everything out at '1x' or '1dp'. So on the iPhone you can have a 320x480 pixel iPhone 3G, and a 640x960 iPhone 4, but the interface itself doesn't change, it's still 320x480. You don't have to re-lay out any buttons or do a custom interface for it. All you do is provide higher resolution assets to make things look crisper. The same is true on Android. Take the above devices, and break them down into their 1x/1dp forms:

LG G3 @ 1x: 360x640
Nexus 5 @ 1x: 360x640
Galaxy S5 @ 1x: 360x640
Galaxy S4 @ 1x: 360x640
Galaxy S3 @ 1x: 360x640
Galaxy Note 3 @ 1x: 360x640
Galaxy Note @ 1x: 400x640
HTC One M7 @ 1x: 360x640
HTC One M8 @ 1x: 360x640
Nexus 4 @ 1x: 384x640
Moto X @ 1x: 360x640

There's no voodoo here, once you break things down into how you'd actually lay them out, there aren't that many variations. There's a slight variation in width, and there is in height as well, since some devices have software buttons that take up space on your physical screen. In Android 4.4 and above you can include these buttons into your interface, but for simplicity let's just assume they take up that bottom space. So let's redraw that commonly circulated diagram in terms of actual screen resolutions we design for on Android:

The above are literally all the phone sizes we test, support and deploy on. There are of course other phone resolutions and aspect ratios out there, and in the early days of Android there was a lot more experimentation going on with these. For modern apps like ours though, which support Android 4.0 and above, the landscape is much nicer. That's the beauty of Android's massive market share, we can ignore all the people with phones running Android 2.3, those with odd and rare screen sizes, and target only 4.0 and above. The resulting group of people is comparable, if not bigger, than the users we target by being iOS 7 only in our iOS apps.

Don't get me wrong, fragmentation certainly exists in Android, but screen resolutions and sizes are not the main issue. The above diagram and analysis also only take into account phones, not tablets, where designing for physical screen size becomes more important than resolution.

This year was the first time I've attended the Google I/O conference, and it was a fascinating experience. As someone who is primarily an iOS developer and has been to WWDC before a lot of things about the way Google ran their conference fascinated me. I thought it might be interesting to briefly share some of those.

Developer Reps
Before the conference we worked heavily with our developer representatitves at Google, and at the conference I met many more representatives from around the world. What immediately struck me is that for the most part they were technical 20-40 somethings that knew how to code. They were also extremely prompt at passing on any questions they didn't know the answers to and getting responses from other engineers. I personally prefer this approach of having technically minded engineers who understand code, helping you with every aspect of what you need as a developer to be successful.

Perhaps it's just the ones I've met at Apple, but I've never had this experience before. Our developer rep is a nice guy, but he's not the least bit technical, and in general I could only talk to him when he contacts me. I say 'could' because ever since we've had success on the Android platform he's made it very clear that his services are no longer available to us. Perhaps that makes me bitter and jaded about the Developer Rep experience at Apple, but if you ask me it's justified.

General Attitudes
One of the first things that struck me was the contrast between the kind of people that attend I/O vs those at WWDC. Granted in both cases I didn't meet all 5000 attendees, so there's nothing scientific about what follows. That said everyone I met at I/O was open-minded and tended to work on more than one platform. As such it wasn't the least bit strange when someone pulled out their iPhone to check something on it. The majority of phones there seemed to be Androids, with the Nexus 5 making up the lions share of the devices I saw. What I'm getting at, and let me put it bluntly if I may, is that it highlighted just how insular and superior a lot of Apple developers act and feel. If you don't believe me, just join a group of them at WWDC and whip out your Android phone. Within moments, you'll wish you had whipped out something less offensive, like your genitalia instead.

This attitude is also reflected in Google Employees themselves. None of them care what phone you use, what laptop you choose or which platforms you develop for. They are actively interested in what things they can improve to make developing on their platforms better, and they are quite happy to acknowledge when a competitor like Apple or Microsoft has done something good. They are of course still insanely proud of their platform and will tell you about all the things they prefer or think they've done better than their competition. Overall they just seem more balanced, you can tell that what Apple is doing doesn't keep them up at night. Having met a lot of Apple employees, I can't say the same is true on the other side. They seem overly obsessed with Google, and are insanely sensitive should you bring the topic up, or deity of choice forbid, you actually develop on a Google platform.

The Keynote
Definitely not up to Apple presentation quality, and I'm not sure they needed any of that "I'm debugging a web service" stuff at the end. That said the first 45 minutes actually flowed well and Sundar Pichai gives off a really comfortable, friendly vibe from the stage. I'm undecided as to whether all the live demonstrations they attempted were brave or foolish, but I'm leaning towards that second one. They could have been just as powerful done as videos, or where the actual results were simulated rather than run live over the network.

The Actual Announcements
I've followed Google for a while now and what always struck me about their I/O announcements, and their entire product line is that it was very divisional. One division would make Chrome OS, another Android, another Google TV. From the outside at least those divisions seemed to share very little, in terms of vision, or even implementation. The end result, when presented at something like I/O felt like a disparate set of sometimes slightly overlapping services and products that just wasn't that compelling. This year however was different. What I saw was a unified Google, finally getting its act together. Android is now clearly their platform of choice, it runs on TVs, cars, phones, tablets, watches and in your home. The same OS, different screens was their message.

I'm not sure how many people who only watched the Keynote or read blogs picked up on this, but this is a new Google. It's hard as someone who follows Apple not to see the parallels in what happened there over the last few years. Gone is Scott Forstall and with the gentle but firm guiding hand of Tim Cook there's a more unified, more collaborative Apple. Replace Scott Forstall with Andy Rubin, Tim Cook with Sundar Pichai and you have the same thing playing out on the other side of the pond. Sundar has united all those divisions into one coherent functional team with one common vision. Talking to various Google Engineers at the event it was clear they all had the same sentiment.

In previous Google keynotes there were always things announced that you knew were going absolutely nowhere, but this year that changed. Android 'L' preview is an amazing OS, with great visual design that excites me about the future of that platform. Android Wear is a really good 1.0 implementation of what I personally want in a smart watch. Android TV looks like the platform I've been begging Apple to build for the last 3 years, and while I have to reserve judgement until it comes out later this year, I'm excited about it. Android Auto is something I want in my car right now, it's just that good. Perhaps if you had to pick one thing that is a "that's nice, but let's wait and see" it would be their Android in the home implementation. Much like Apple's HomeKit it all comes down to how many hardware vendors actually adopt it before it becomes useful.

The Swag
Another obvious difference between I/O and WWDC is the free swag that Google hands out. They saddled me up with two Android Wear watches (a choice of the LG or Samsung versions, and also the Moto 360 as well when it ships), an Android TV unit and an odd but fun cardboard box that you can fold up into a VR headset. It felt like being in the audience of an Oprah show: "AND YOU GET A WATCH, AND YOU GET A WATCH" while the crowd goes crazy. From a selfish perspective this is really cool, though I do wonder if it drives up demand for tickets that are already in short supply to a conference like this. I didn't meet any non-developers at the conference, but it wouldn't surprise me if some people apply for a ticket just to try and score some free hardware. After all just doing the mental maths that's about $700 worth of hardware that they are giving out.

Last But Not Least
WE WERE FEATURED IN THE KEYNOTE! That's right, little old Shifty Jelly had Pocket Casts announced as a launch app for Android Auto:

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I can't begin to tell you what that was like, or how amazing it was to sit in an Audi and watch someone demonstrate our app as part of the Android Auto experience. As a developer, these are the kind of things you live for, seeing your app get into the hands of millions of people in new and unique ways. Before the conference we'd never seen the actual hardware or interface our app would run on and I was genuinely thrilled to see that Google had done an amazing job of it. In my opinion it's far superior to the Apple's Carplay both in terms of interface and the other two major parts of having Google in your car: Google Maps and Google voice recognition. I think you'd be hard pressed to find even the most hard core Apple zealot who would try to argue that Google is not killing it in both those areas.

I won't lie to you, whenever my timeline fills up with negative articles about new technology from people who haven't even touched it, I die a little inside. I get that the sports team you've chosen to support didn't release it. I get that all other sports teams are not as good as yours. I get that you view everything your sports team does in a positive light, and everything the opposing teams do in a negative light...but you know these aren't sports teams right? They are companies.

Anyhoo Android Wear! I've been using the Samsung Gear Live while I wait for my Moto 360 to ship. Here it is on my hairy man wrist:

I should prefix what I'm about to say with the fact that I had a Pebble before this. To me the Pebble was extremely ugly, but the utility of it made me happy to wear it all the same. I was able to see who just texted me without pulling my phone out of my pocket, and do things like control my podcast playback without touching my phone. Android Wear takes this to the next level. When paired with my Android phone it shows me cards from apps that are currently running, as well as things it thinks I need to know about. It's basically like Google Now for your wrist, with the added benefit of being able to get notifications from your phone.

I've seen people complaining that all this does is turn your wrist into a buzzing, annoying mess. These people clearly either haven't tried one, or didn't bother to spend 5 minutes setting the watch up. If you buy an iPhone today, install 100 apps, and say yes to every notification you possible can your phone will vibrate all day every day. This isn't a mistake on Apple's part. Their phone is not a huge pile of fail. It's why Apple gives you the choice about which notifications you do and don't want. Android Wear is no different. By default any notifications that appears on your phone, appear also on your watch. For me this is perfect, I've already configured my phone to only show notifications for things I deem important. This means that during a typical day I glance at my watch maybe 10 times a day. I can see instantly why the phone in my pocket vibrated and choose whether or not I need to do anything about it. This is the promise of Android Wear, it liberates me from having to interact with my phone at all in most cases. If I had wanted to, I could also have configured an even smaller subset of notifications, because the Android Wear app on your phone lets you choose additional apps to ignore notifications for.

The watch also tracks my step count, and can read my heart beat. The step count seems fairly accurate and is a handy, interesting thing to know. The heart beat doesn't really excite me (har har) at all, but it's there and works. You can respond to text messages by voice, and being Google's implementation of voice recognition it works amazingly well. Personally I'm not comfortable talking to a watch in public, so I use it in a much more passive way. My pocket vibrates and I look at my watch, it's a text from my wife. Later when I sit down I respond to it. My pocket vibrates and this time it's a Twitter notification, so I just swipe once to dismiss it. My phone also clears the notification, since it knows I've dealt with it on my watch.

In terms of interaction models, there are a few nice gestures on the device. Pull down all the way from the home screen and it instantly mutes the watch. It means visually all you see is the watch face, and it will never show you anything else, or vibrate. Pull down again to go back to receiving notifications. Placing your hand flat over the face of the watch (in what I like to call the 'ssshhh' motion) instantly puts the watch back to the home screen and into its dim mode. The cards that appear can be swiped away if you don't want to know about them, or pulled across for more information and actions. Here for example is the navigation card:

I've found that Google Now is insanely good at predicting the kinds of things you'd like to see when you're visiting somewhere. It shows you the time back home, information about your flights and hotel and local attractions. It seems to know with eery accuracy when you'd like to know these things. For example on my last day at I/O it knew that I was flying out at 9.30pm, but checking out at 10am, so it suggested movie times at a local cinema to me. All of this is passively listed on the watch and is there if you want to interact with it. It doesn't for example buzz when new cards appear, they just happen to be there when you glance. At home in a small town like Adelaide Australia these are slightly less useful, though it is still handy to know about traffic problems since I have the choice of 3 different routes back home.

Those hoping for a revolution might be disappointed, this feels like an evolution between Pebble and Android. For smart watch fans like me, this is a great thing. Google have the best smart watch available and it's a huge leap over the Pebble I wore before it. Perhaps Apple will deliver a magical fairy watch full of unicorns later this year, but as my mate Grubes loves to point out, you shouldn't ever review a shipping product against an unreleased one. For now Android Wear is so good it brings me yet again back to using the Moto X as my main phone.

Android Wear is still very much a 1.0 though. The current crop of watches are ugly, and there are some extra features I'd like that just aren't there yet. Unlike an Apple product though, this isn't what we're stuck with for the next year until the next one. Motorola is making a very nice looking watch that I definitely want later this year, the 360. I got to play with one at I/O and wasn't too pleased when I had to give it back to the Motorola rep that was there. HTC who also do some amazing industrial design have said they are working on one. This means that there will hopefully be a vibrant watch market with many different colours, sizes and styles to choose from. This mimics the market for $200+ watches as it is today. I guess the only way to end this article is to risk looking like a douche nozzle and quoting myself:

@justin @gruber @viticci I think the thing people are missing this: there is no watch everybody loves. Its fashion and utility plus taste

— Russell Ivanovic (@rustyshelf) June 28, 2014

@justin @gruber @viticci so to my taste in fashion and utility the moto 360 is something I'd happily wear. For Federico it's not. That's ok

— Russell Ivanovic (@rustyshelf) June 28, 2014

I've been using Android full time for a few weeks now, and it has been an interesting experiment. So far it's still my primary phone and overall I like it. That said there are some things that need fixing, and since my blog is about rants, here's the first one: Permissions.

Android handles permissions differently to iOS in that it lets you know what an app can do at install time. It's very similar to the way App Sandboxing works on modern OS X. A developer sets the permissions an app requires, based on a defined set of permissions that the OS provides. So far so good right? Yes, until it's time to look for an app. Let's for example browse for a flashlight app:

Ok, this app has decent reviews, over 50 million people have installed it and hey, it's the brightest!

Wait what? This app wants to write permission to my SD Card, it wants to install shortcuts, access my location, get the ID of my phone and access the network? I mean I know it's the brightest but all that seems a bit excessive.

Android fans will no doubt tell me that this is great, I've been saved from this horrible app that is trying to take advantage of me! That's all well and good, but what happens when a must have app (like Facebook or Twitter) comes along that you really want to use but there are one or two permissions you don't want to give it? On iOS, annoying popups aside, I can use Facebook but completely turn off its ability to access my location. On Android? Nope.

So why hasn't this been addressed? The more cynical might say because Google wants to do bad things to you, and this gives them an air of having asked you for permission before they do. Really though frameworks like Google Play Services are so embedded into an Android device that Google already has access to almost anything they could possibly want to know about you. My guess is that they know introducing a way to deny these permissions will break a lot of apps and they don't want to make waves if they don't have to. I think they need to take a stand, after all it should be every users basic human right to deny Facebook access to their location. So much so that I'm off to make placards about it right now...who's with me?